


Afraid

by Iwastemytimereading



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Childhood Friends, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn, kind of, letter writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29020977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwastemytimereading/pseuds/Iwastemytimereading
Summary: And I am so afraid I’ll lose youto the world out there;full of smiles, full of laughs,that are not my own.Or, when your best friend asks you to write letters to your future selves and bury them in your backyard to read those letters five years later, what could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Lando Norris/Carlos Sainz Jr
Comments: 12
Kudos: 66





	1. It was only the beginning, but was it the end?

**Author's Note:**

> alright, here we go, a Carlando fic. A bit of explanation: this is set in Bristol, with Carlos moving there from Spain and meeting Lando. please don't judge my knowledge of the British weather, I improvised my way through it. Also, thank you Laeana for this fic prompt, i had a lot of fun with it.  
> enjoy, and tell me what you think in the comments.

**Bristol, 2005**

Lando was bored out of his mind. He tried to watch cartoons, tried to do some colouring, but nothing excited him, every single thing he tried to do just wound up making him even more bored than he already was. He was walking from room to room, asking his brother to play with him, but Oliver would just shake his head and say he had school things to do. Which meant that Lando was left to his own devices, which meant he forgot everything that he was told by his parents, including the fact that they forbade him to answer the door by himself. So when he heard knocking coming from the hallway, he stood up from the couch where he had been laying, trying to count the clouds on the sky (he was failing quite badly at it too), and went to answer it.

In front of the door stood a boy, around 5 years older than him, dressed in blue jeans, a red hoodie and black sneakers. His eyes were a chocolate kind of brown, Lando thought, the kind that his mom sometimes bought at the store for him if he was being really, really good. The boy’s hair was the same color as his eyes and it looked like it was soft, but also as if the boy didn’t like to comb it very much. Lando peaked up him a bit shyly at first but then opened the door wider and thrust his hand forward to introduce himself. ‘Hi! My name is Lando. Norris. Who are you? Do you have time to play? Because I’m bored and Oliver says that he doesn’t want to play with me, he’s doing homework, and Flo and Cisca are too young to play with me so I decided to count the clouds, but they move so fast you see, so I couldn’t count them all and then-‘ Lando would’ve probably kept on talking, but luckily Oliver, unknowingly, came to Carlos’ rescue. ‘Lando, mom and dad told you that you’re not allowed to answer the door by yourself. Hi, I’m Oliver, who are you?’

The boy that was standing in front of the door was still a bit taken aback by Lando’s ramblings, but he smiled, just like he was taught, and shook Lando’s hand first, then Oliver’s. ‘Hola, I’m Carlos, me and my family just moved to the house next to yours and uhm, my dad said I should come say hi and make new friends, so, uhm, hi?’ he knew the last part sounded more like a question than a statement, but he was nervous. He already didn’t want to come live here, it was cold, so much colder than back home, back in Spain, and he didn’t know anyone either, but his dad got a job, which of course meant that the whole family had to move. And now he was here, on a doorstep of some people he didn’t know, with a boy that talked about clouds like they were birds sitting on the trees. He shook his head and looked at Lando and Oliver, the youngest had a grin on his face and the older tried to get him to calm down.

‘Can he please come in to play? Please Oliver, please?’ Carlos would’ve laughed at the way Lando looked up at his older brother with his face resembling that of a puppy, if he hadn’t been as nervous. Oliver bit his lip at first but then went inside to call their parents, who walked out of the living room to greet Carlos politely as well and invited him inside, after asking him if his parents knew that he was at their house. He nodded and stepped in, taking his shoes off by the door and the minute he crossed the threshold, Lando grabbed his arm, dragging him around the house, trying to show him everything at once. In 3 minutes, Carlos saw their kitchen, living room, bathroom, his sibling’s bedroom and the backyard. ‘C’mon, you have to see my room now! Do you want to play? I have Legos and dinosaurs and toy cars that go vroom vroom.’ Carlos’ head perked up at the mention of cars, he always loved those, so he gladly followed Lando to his bedroom, the youngest showing him all the remote cars he had, when he got them and how fast they went. They spent the whole afternoon playing with the cars, at first in Lando’s room, but then when the room became too small, they moved to the back yard, imagining races that would take place around and under tree roots of that Lando had planted when his father had brought it from the store one day. They raced their cars behind the rocks and through the gravel, leaving behind nothing but dust.

And that was how it started, Carlos started coming over to Lando’s house more and more often and Lando quickly found himself doing the same. They would stay at each other’s houses for hours; they would forget to drink and eat if their parents hadn’t reminded them to. They would spend their time either in their rooms, or in their backyards or exploring the streets and parks near their homes.

  
The first time Carlos came over to Lando for a sleepover, the younger had been so excited, he hadn’t been able to sit still all day, rambling to Carlos about all of the movies they were going to watch and the games that they could play. The Spaniard had long since gotten used to Lando’s rambling’s, knowing better than to interrupt him when he was talking, words bursting out of him at lighting speeds, his eyes twinkling and his smile so wide, it almost reached his ears and Carlos was sometimes almost afraid that he’d smile so much, his face would rip in half. That night, when it was really the time for the two of them to go to bed, or at least, for Lando it was, Carlos was still older than him, as he always liked to point out just to annoy the Brit.

Carlos was sitting on the floor of Lando’s room, the remote control for the car in his hands, trying to drive the little toy out of a labyrinth that the two had made out of books and Legos. Lando suddenly nudged him with his shoulder and gestures towards the large pile of blankets and pillows sitting on his bed, but Carlos just looked at him questionably. Lando rolled his eyes, he has gotten quite good at that, and pulled Carlos up on his feet, ‘We should make a blanket fort!’ Carlos blinked a few times, as if not understanding what Lando had said, ‘What?’ ‘A blanket fort! It’ll be like a secret lair like the bad guy in movies always have. Please Carlos?’ and while Carlos might only be 11 years old, he knows that trying to resist Lando’s puppy dog eyes is a plan that won’t get one far in life, because one would fail at that miserably. Because you simply can’t resist Lando’s puppy dog eyes. Carlos has accepted it as a fact of life, the sooner he accepts it, the better for him and everyone concerned. So, he sighed and starts helping Lando build the blanket fort.

And then Lando hit him with a pillow, ‘It was an accident!’ he says, but Carlos knows better than to fall for that and before he knows it, there’s laughter coming out of the room, with the sounds of pillows hitting the wall, a person, another pillow and the floor. And maybe they were jumping on the bed, and maybe Lando fell over his own feet a few times while trying to chase Carlos a few times, but what their parents don’t know can’t hurt them. And if they eat too much candy and then fall asleep in their blanket forts, Lando’s head on Carlos’ chest, both of them tired, but happier than they’ve been in a really long time, then that’s a thing for them to know and for others to never find out.

And it became their tradition. Twice a month, they’d go over to each other’s houses, building blanket forts and having pillow fights, until both of them were too tired to even stand up straight. It became their favorite part of every month, every time something went wrong at school, every time their parents would be angry at them, every time it was raining outside, making it impossible for the two boys to play in their backyards, pillow fights and blanket forts would be their solution, their escape from reality.

**Bristol, 2009**

Oliver was supposed to be here by now, he’d promised Lando he’d walk him home, but he had been waiting for 15 minutes and Oliver still hasn’t showed up. Lando had been waiting in front of a tree at the school’s parking lot where they would always meet up, but his brother was nowhere to be seen. Oliver wasn’t usually the one that would walk him home.

Before it was Carlos who’d walk Lando to his house, then they’d sit at Lando’s desk and do their homework side by side. Well, Carlos did, at least. But for Lando, it was impossible not to get distracted, not when there were so many toys in his room, just begging him to leave his schoolwork and play. And he especially couldn’t focus on his homework when he had a blank notebook in front of him and colorful markers and pencils by his side. He’d take a marker in his hand and his mind would take over. He’d start drawing anything and everything his mind would throw at him. Clear skies and clearer waters in the summer, trees he passed on his way to school, eyes of people that he’d met that day and his mind remembered. He would draw until Carlos nudged him slightly and ask him what he was doing. He would always praise Lando on his artwork, sometimes Lando showed him the sketches he did of people during his free periods and Carlos always loved them. Lando wasn’t that good with words, he knew that. Not in actual conversations anyways, he would stumble over words, mess them up and forget the correct pronunciations. Not that it bored people a lot, but that didn’t mean that Lando hated it any less.

The only way he was good with words was if he made them into poems, he’d treat them the same way he treated drawing, letting his mind wander, until he had a song before him. And if he had a lot of time (or a lot of homework he didn’t want to do) he’d draw patterns and shapes and places he’d seen around the poem, creating a sea of words and colors. And while Carlos always let him explain the drawings to him or read the poems that Lando wrote, and always loved every single one of them, but he’d always remind him to get back to his homework. So they’d both lean over their notebooks again to try and get some work done. Emphasis on try.

It was their routine, walking home with each other, studying together every day. But the routine was starting to fall apart. Carlos was 14 now and he’d started taking up soccer practices, meaning that the only person that Lando could walk home with was Oliver. His brother often asked him why he couldn’t just walk home by himself, but Lando just shrugged, saying he liked having someone to talk to and pass the time. He couldn’t tell Oliver the real reason for why he didn’t want to walk home alone. Not Oliver, and especially not Carlos.

Lando checked his watch again and seeing as it had already been about 20 minutes past the time that he and Oliver had agreed to meet up, Lando sighed and leaned against the tree behind him. He decided to dig into his backpack and take out his notebook and a pencil, his hand just itching with the desire to draw. Just as he was about to open the notebook in his lap, he heard loud laughing coming from the school’s entrance and he stiffened up. He shoved the notebook back into his backpack and shrugged it on, starting to walk towards his house. If Oliver still hadn’t showed up, Lando figured he could just as well walk home on this day. Even if the reason for his fear of walking home by himself was almost right behind him.

Lando could hear the steps advancing and the person walking behind him had been gaining up on him quicker and quicker and suddenly he was on the floor, his knees scuffed and his palms with little stones buried into his skin, bits of blood already prickling through. His backpack had been torn from his shoulders with his school things spilling on the ground next to him. Lando scrambled to pick them up and continue walking, but before he could, a fist connected with the side of his face, making tears prickle at the edges of his eyes. He grit his teeth together, he wouldn’t allow himself to cry, not here, not now, and especially not in front of him. He looked up at his bully, seeing the smug blue eyes filled with arrogance and cold humor, the kind that makes your blood freeze. Once Lando was sure that he wouldn’t get hit again, he picked up his things and ran.

He wouldn’t, couldn’t stop running until he closed the doors behind him and collapsed on his bed, his backpack falling off his shoulders by his desk. Lando knew that he should his clothes and clean out the wounds before his parents came home and start asking questions. He’d tell them the same thing he always did, that he tripped and fell during PE, the same answer, the same response, the same secret. But his parents wouldn’t be home for another hour or so, he still had time. He just wanted to sit on his bed, at least for a little bit more, when he heard a knock on the window, he saw Carlos in front of it, waiting to be let it. Lando had no other choice, either way the Spaniard would know that something was wrong, he might as well get it over with.

He opened the window and as soon as he did, Carlos climbed on his bed and sat next to Lando, his palm gently coming up to cup his cheeck. Lando tried to hide the bruise that he knew was forming on his chin, but it wasn’t working. He hissed slightly when Carlos’ fingers brushed over the bruise, his voice soft as he spoke. ‘Lando, who did this to you?’ but he just shook his head and tried to look away, hugging his knees with his hands. He felt Carlos tug him up and towards the bathroom and he let him, ‘you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but at least let me take care of those scratches, ok cabrón?’ Lando nodded dumbly as he stood in front of the sink and washed his hands to get rid of all the little stones still edged in his skin. After that, Carlos made him sit on the toilet and first disinfected his skin, put on some healing cream and then carefully wrapped his palms with a bandage. He then made Lando change out of his sweatpants and repeated the process on his knees.

  
Once he made sure all of the wounds had been taken care of, he took Lando back to the bed and in his arms. The Brit sighed contentedly when he could feel the warmth travelling from Carlos’ body to his, one of the Spaniard’s hands around Lando’s waist and the other running through his hair. ‘Carlos?’ ‘Mhm?’ ‘How did you come here so fast? I thought you had soccer practices for two hours on Tuesdays.’ Carlos settled himself more comfortably in his bed and shook his head, ‘We were supposed to, but then the coach called in sick and they only told us that after we were already changed and waiting for her on the field. I thought you were supposed to go home with Oliver after school today, if I knew you didn’t I’d come there and walk you home, but I didn’t know, I-I’m so sorry Lando.’ The ten-year-old looked up, a small smile on his face as his friend looked down at him, ‘Hey Carlos, you didn’t know, you weren’t told that your coach was sick beforehand, there’s nothing you could’ve done.’ Carlos nodded, but Lando could see that he still hasn’t quite forgave himself. ‘Carlos?’ ‘Yes?’ ‘Thank you for taking care of me.’ Carlos smiled at the younger again, running his hand through his hair again, ‘anytime cariño, anytime.’ Lando did tell him who hit him, later that evening, but thought nothing of it during the night.

It was only when he walked into the school hallway the next day, Carlos’ arm slung around his shoulders and he saw Nikita’s face whiten, a blue bruise forming around his eye before ducking his head and moving away from the two of them, it just made Lando feel better. And when Carlos denied the fact of even knowing Lando’s schoolmate, let alone doing something to him, with a badly concealed grin on his face, Lando just shook his head and smiled, because he knew that his reason for being afraid of walking home alone everyday was gone. And even if Carlos couldn’t be there to walk with him every day, Lando knew that he’d be safe, because Carlos made sure of it. He always would.

**Bristol, 2013**

Lando knew that summers could get hot in England, but this was just ridiculous. On average, it was around 21 degrees Celsius, and that was usually during the afternoon, but this year Great Britain had been swept up in a massive heat wave; it was currently 9am and sweat was already running down Lando’s back. He couldn’t believe it, but he almost wished for the usual rainy weather to come back again, no matter how much he hated it. He heard three loud knocks on the front door, but he really didn’t feel like moving, so he just opened his bedroom window and a few moments later, Carlos showed up in front of it, in an orange t-shirt and jean shorts, flip-flops on his feet. There was a grin on his face, though Lando had no idea how he managed to be so happy in this kind of weather. Lando groaned and flopped back down on his bed, closing his eyes. He heard Carlos jump through his window and landed on Lando’s bed, sitting by his legs.

He lifted his head a bit to look at Carlos who was leaning back on his hands, seemingly just waiting for him to look up. ‘What.’ Carlos shook his head after looking around the room ‘it’s so hot in here, and you’re lying on your bed in your boxers.’ Lando blushed a bit after remembering that he was, in fact lying on his bed only in his boxers, but he was too maxed out to care. ‘So? What do you propose we do, oh the wise Carlos of Spain?’ he still didn’t understand how Carlos was able to stand the heat that was probably taking over the entire country at moment. Alright, so maybe not the entire country per se, but Lando was hot and tired, he deserved to be at least a little bit dramatic. Carlos waved with his hand vaguely around the room, ‘Oh I don’t know, maybe we could go swimming?’ Lando’s ears immediately perked up at the mention of the cold water, relaxation and best of all, an escape from the heat.

Carlos chuckled when he saw his reaction and stood up to dig through his closet. Lando was just about to ask him what he was doing when a shirt hit his face, followed by some swim trunks and a cap. ‘C’mon, get dressed, I know the perfect place.’ Lando got up from his bed, a feat he didn’t see himself doing on this day and changed in the bathroom while Carlos went to the kitchen to grab some food and water bottles. When he came out of the bathroom Carlos was leaning against the door, a backpack thrown over his shoulder and a pair of Lando’s flip flops by his feet. He slipped them on and followed Carlos out of the house.

They weren’t walking for 5 minutes when Lando started complaining about the heat again. He was partly doing it because it was actually hot as hell, partly because he liked to tease Carlos. Lando’s lips were twitching while trying to hold in the laughter as he looked at Carlos that was pretending to be angry at him. He just wanted to groan again as his foot slipped past his flip flop and hit the scorching pavement. But as soon as he opened his mouth to complain Carlos threw his arm around Lando’s shoulders and covered his mouth with it causing Lando’s eyes to widen and his words to turn into incoherent mumbles. He tried to remove Carlos’ hand from his mouth, but to no avail. Carlos’ other hand came up to mess with his hair, a grin now present on his face. Once Lando gave up on fighting Carlos, his hand finally slipped from his mouth, resting on his shoulders. Lando didn’t know where the want to lean in to the touch came from, but he decided to ignore it, at least for the time being.  
Eventually they came to a section of trees and bushes and the bright greenery made Lando feel a bit better already. Carlos reached out and moved a few branches, revealing a clear blue lake, trees hanging over the water surface, with a gravel beach leading to it. They walked towards the water, Carlos toed of his flip flops, with his t-shirt and shorts following soon after. Lando tried to distract himself with his shirt, forcing his eyes away from Carlos and he knew that his face had to be red, but he signed it up to the heat. Once he was finally only in his swim trunks, he walked over to the lake, but before he could walk in, he felt a tug on his wrist and found himself in the lake the next moment, mouth full of water. He resurfaced and glared at Carlos who was laughing out loud. He knew he couldn’t stay mad at him for a long time, but that didn’t mean not taking the chance to dunk Carlos whenever the latter was in close proximity.

They spent the day swimming, diving and chasing each other around until their limbs ached. They collapsed on the beach, the gravel digging slightly into their backs. Lando closed his eyes, letting the sun trail over his skin, drying the water droplets and warming him up. He knew he could fall asleep right there, his eyes closed, it wasn’t as hot anymore, only mildly warm and he loved it, enjoying the moment, completely missing the way Carlos was looking as him.

Once they arrived back home, both of them falling his bed, Lando’s head landing on Carlos’ chest, the nineteen-year-old nudging the younger slightly, making him look up. ‘Aren’t you glad I dragged you out of bed today?’ Lando laughed and nodded his head, staring at his ceiling, going through the day full of adventures that he had behind him. It was only later, when they were both leaned against a tree, their shoulders touching, eating the barbecued meat that Lando’s dad had made, the smoke rising through the summer air, filled with the sounds of crickets and mosquitos. It was only then that Lando had realized something. Something that shocked him and left him breathless, but at the same time seemed so normal, so logical, that there was no other explanation in his mind.

He realized that even though he might have been confused as hell by his feelings for Carlos, he knew that it didn’t matter, not really. At least at the moment it didn’t. Because they’ve had yet another amazing day, filled with smiles and laughs and there was really no one else that Lando would rather spend the day with than Carlos. Because he was the one that always made him smile and laugh, even in days as hot as these. He’d always be there, by his side, taking care of him and doing everything just to make him smile. And Lando would be dammed if he didn’t at least try to do the same for him. He heard and felt Carlos laughing next to him as he tried to eat a particularly spicy chili pepper, his laugh making Lando smile. He leaned his head on Carlos’ shoulder, the Spaniard’s arm snaking around his waist and pulling him closer to his side. Lando looked up feeling so immensely happy, just sitting there, with Carlos next to him, looking at the stars that were just starting to twinkle on the indigo inky summer sky above.

**Bristol, 2015**

He should’ve known it was a bad idea to hang out with Carlos past 11am, at his house, with his parents and siblings on a vacation by the sea. He should’ve known it was a bad idea when he saw the bottle sitting in Carlos’ backpack, the golden liquid swirling inside. And he especially should’ve known it was a bad idea when he saw the smirk that took a seemingly permanent home resting on Carlos’ lips, his eyes full of bad ideas that would somehow end well. Or not. But then again, he was known for not exactly thinking things through before doing them, Lando thought, as his friend threw himself on his bed, already dragging the bottle out of the bag and setting it on Lando’s bedside table.

And so, he really had no other choice but to sit down next to him, crossing his legs and looking up at Carlos from underneath his eyelashes. ‘So, what? Did you just wake up this morning and thought “hey, you know what would be a fun thing to do today? Get drunk with Lando” or what?’ he heard Carlos chuckle as he took two glasses that he brought from Lando’s kitchen and slowly started pouring the alcohol. Lando followed the movement with his eyes, watching as the liquid filled up the glass, the light of his lamp shinning through it, creating small sparkles inside the golden colored drink. He took the glass Carlos offered him and raised it to his lips, taking a sip, feeling the sweetness on his tongue and the slight burn in his throat. He closed his eyes for a moment as he dipped back the glass, emptying the contents right into his mouth, shaking his head as it flowed down his throat. Before he knew it, Carlos had filled up his empty glass again. They clinked their glasses, but this time Lando tried to drink a bit slower, he didn’t want to get too drunk in the spam of five minutes.

With every sip he felt both better and worse at the same time, his head was spinning a bit, but not too much. He looked at Carlos who was leaning against the headboard, a glass in one hand, running the other one lazily through his hair. ‘So.’ ‘So what?’ Carlos smiled as he looked at him, putting the glass on the floor for the time being, leaning back, his arms behind his head, his shirt stretching slightly, but just enough for Lando to notice. He knew he was caught staring when he saw the smirk on Carlos’ face, but Lando was a bit too tipsy to care about stuff like that. ‘What do you think is going to happen, a few years from now?’ Lando looked up, not sure what his friend had meant, ‘A few years from now?’ the Spaniard nodded, a faraway sort of look present in his eyes. ‘Us. We’ll still be friends, right?’ he looked at him, Carlos’ eyes holding bits of worry and a lot of questions, more than he had ever seen in the eyes of the older. Lando moved over so that he could sit a bit closer to Carlos, making it almost impossible for the other to avoid his eyes. ‘Of course we’ll be friends, why are you even asking that? We’ll always be friends, no matter what.’ Carlos nodded, but Lando could see that he still wasn’t completely convinced. He reached out and tugged his hand, ‘C’mon, something I want to show you.’ Carlos raised an eyebrow, but let himself be pulled along nevertheless, grabbing the bottle and the glass that were still sitting on the floor. Lando was leading the 21-year-old through his house and to the back yard, he tripped a few times, they both did, but it didn’t matter.

They arrived at the lonesome tree that stood behind their house, the tree that they used to race their toy cars around and lean against and watch the stars during the hot summer days, during days like this. That tree had seen so many things, Lando thought, as he sat down in front of it, patting the ground next to him, inviting Carlos to sit down as well. He did so, after carefully putting down the bottle and their glasses in the grass at their feet. They both leaned against the trunk, and Lando could feel his head clearing slightly, but he knew he was still quite some ways from completely sober. He lowered his head on Carlos’ shoulder, looking up at the stars, making their nightly patterns in the sky and he could feel Carlos breathing next to him, relaxing slowly.

He pointed up the sky after he made sure that Carlos was listening to him. ‘Here’s how I know that we’re going to be friends, even a few years from now, even after a decade, or however long you want. The day you came to this house and you met me, and I was talking about cloud-gazing and being bored a mile per minute and yet, for some reason, you still decided to be my friend. And I met you, the Spanish boy, that was a bit insecure, but wanted friends so badly, just like me. And we spent hours together, doing nothing but absolute bullshit, because we wanted to, because we could, because we were friends. And every time we looked up at those stars, and they haven’t changed, not even a bit, always there, with their patterns, with their sparkles, with their night lights. And some scientists say that stars die, don’t they? But new stars are born, every single day. And sometimes stars collide? I think? I’m not sure, you’re the smart one in this garden, but the thing is, even if they crash, or die, or burn, or whatever, new things, better things will always happen. A few years ago we thought that the best thing that could happen was get a new remote car, now you have a driver’s license, and we can go, and we can drive during the night and we can look at these stars, again and again and again. So, no matter what happens, even the bad things, crashes and burns and who knows what else, we’ll still be friends, because that’s just the way that the universe works. Us, not being friends? Universe would go nopity nope and force us back together. Like the stars. Always there, no matter what, not always the same, but always better in a way, no matter what.’

He looked at Carlos to find him smiling gently down at him, his arm coming to wrap around Lando’s shoulders and tug him closer to his side. ‘So what you’re saying is, a few years from now, when you’ll be in your fancy art school, drawing and sketching away, writing your beautiful poems about the moon and stars and who knows what else-‘ Lando looked away, shaking his head, ‘Carlos, I don’t even know if I’ll get in that school yet, I’ve still got some time, remember? And if we’re talking a few years from now, you’ll be a vet, your own clinic and everything.’ Carlos chuckled slightly under his breath as he continued his speech, ‘Do not interrupt me cabrón. And let’s stay realistic, yeah? You, at your art school, me, probably still studying how to become a proper vet, and we probably won’t live as close next to each other as we do now, but… I can still come over at weekends? And even if I can’t, you’ll still love me, even if only for my good looks?’ at that Lando finally started laughing, his eyes shining and his smile wide. ‘Well why do you think I’ve kept you around in the first place, huh? I’ve got it all figured out, you know, your good looks do wonders for me when I’m in trouble.’ ‘Ah yes, I knew you had to have some kind of a thing that you were getting out of this relationship that you were not telling me about.’ Their laughter was heard through the night as they now laid on the grass, the branches of the tree covering a part of the big moon in the sky.

Once their laughter had started quieting down, Lando kept looking up at the stars, he could feel his eyes closing slightly, but he didn’t care. ‘Yes you can always come over, and we’ll sit under our tree and you’ll tell me what else you did in school that was so extraordinary and I’ll tell you a song and we’ll fall asleep slightly drunk, because really Carlos, where do you get this stuff?’ he could almost hear Carlos smile next to him as he pulled the younger one closer, Lando’s head yet again ending on his chest. He could feel Carlos’ chest rising and falling, both of them drifting off to sleep beneath the stars and the moon and the tree that quietly rustled in the night.

And they woke up the next morning, the sun was shining in their eyes, their heads pounding, the memories of the last night still present, even if slightly hazy. And the first thing that Lando saw that morning was Carlos’ face and his brown eyes, filled with drowsiness and a bit of confusion, but so much love and Lando knew that he could get used to it, but he decided to, yet again, ignore his feelings and instead groan and burry his head in the crook of Carlos’ neck, feeling him laugh as he asked about the state of his head. And if later, his mom asked about his grass-stained jeans, wondering if Lando went out to roll around the backyard while they were gone, well, it wasn’t like she had to know everything, now was it? He was allowed to have his own secrets and there was no way that this one would be getting out anytime soon.

**Bristol, 2016**

Lando had just barely closed the door behind him when he felt like he almost suffered a mild heart attack. He got home from the store with his mom, the latter dropping him off at the home before going to the hairdresser’s and Lando just wanted to go to his room and draw a bit. He got a new pair of white converse shoes and new paints; he couldn’t wait to try them out, it was the only thing on his mind for the entirety of that day.

However, it seemed as if he would have to wait for even a bit longer than he had thought, because Carlos was sitting on his bed, his legs crossed beneath him and sheets of papers shuffled around on the bed in front of him. Lando cleared his throat as he came closer to the bed, Carlos briefly looking up and then back down at the papers he had spread out. As Lando moved a few of the papers so he could find a spot to sit, he saw a few of his colorful pens lying in the midst of the mess, but he just rolled his eyes and decided to go with it, at least until he knew what was going on. ‘How did you get inside my room?’ Carlos just gestured towards the window and Lando could see that it was open, his mom would kill him if she knew he didn’t close it before they left the house.

He ignored it for the time being, and instead focused on Carlos. ‘So, what exactly are you doing? In my room, on my bed, with my stuff?’ the older finally looked up at Lando, a grin settling on his face, ‘I was watching a movie the other day and I saw this amazing thing they did, and basically, you write a letter, of your memories, things you remember, things you love, and along with that, you write what you want to do in the future, or how you imagine the future would look like. Then, you put the letter in a box or an envelope, and you read it 5 or 10 years later and you can see how correct you were in your assumptions. What do you think?’

Lando was a bit confused, as he looked at Carlos who was still fumbling with the different colored pens. ‘Alright. So, kind of like a time capsule?’ Carlos’ eyes lit up, ‘Yes, exactly like that!’ Lando nodded as he started organizing the mess forming on his bed, ‘Ok, it’s an interesting idea, but where do I fit into this “letter to your future self” plan that you got obsessed with?’ Carlos looked down for a bit, a light blush forming on his cheecks, ‘I uhm, I thought that we could write these letters together. We each write two letters, one for yourself, one for the other one. We write what we want in the future, if we’ll still be friends, that kind of things.’

Lando felt his heart squeeze at the friends part of the sentence, it’s been some time since he realized that his feelings towards Carlos weren’t just and only friendly. All the times he saw him smile and laugh, and every time he hugged him, feeling so safe in his arms, and he knew that he never wanted to let him go. All the times he saw Carlos looking at him, with love and happiness and earnestness. And Lando was so close to telling Carlos how he felt, so many times. Because there were so many times he felt as if Carlos had felt the same way, but his mind had taken that and warped it, and made Lando think that it was just him being friendly. And he was so afraid of being rejected, but more than that, Lando was afraid of losing Carlos as his best friend, as the little boy that listened to him ramble and play with him and his toy cars, as the teen that protected him from the bully that was making his life a nightmare, he was afraid of losing the person that Carlos had become, always happy and finding the positive side of everything. He was so afraid of the day when Carlos would have to leave to study and peruse the veterinary career he had talked about for so long. He knew that Carlos would meet new people, become friends with those new people, would they replace him? It was such a stupid way of thinking, and Lando was angry at himself for even thinking of the future that way, but he just couldn’t help it.

He was brought back to reality when a crumpled piece of paper hit his head. He glared at Carlos and threw the paper back at him and took a few of the colored pens and some paper. ‘Ok, so, I write a letter to the future me and another letter to the future you?’ Carlos nodded excitedly, taking some papers and a pen as well. ‘Yup. And then in five years, I read the letter that I wrote to myself and one you wrote to me and you do the same. That’s the general idea anyway.’ Lando twirled the pen between his fingers and started writing down his goals, his wishes and his dreams. He had no idea what the future will hold, how could he? But he knew what he wanted, which school he wanted to go to, what job he wanted to do, how he wanted to live his life, those were a few of the things he was sure of, and he wrote them all down. He went to the past then his memories and dreams of the young, kiddie Lando finding a place on the paper as well. Before he knew it, the sheet was covered with his writing, his dreams and goals all written. He folded the paper and then took another one, the letter that Carlos was going to read five years from now. He knew it was going to be complicated to write it, so much more complicated than the letter he wrote to himself of the future, but it was something that he had to do, not only because Carlos had an idea, but also because he had to find a way to spill all of the feelings buried deep inside him, even if only on a piece of paper.

Lando looked down and let his mind take him back to the past, his hand started sketching on the empty paper in front of him, creating patterns and memories, in colors and in black and whites, a picturesque sight taking place on the blank canvas. There was the greenery of the bushes and the trees, the blue of the water and the indigo sky. There were the golden stars on the sky, smoke was rising up from the corners of the papers, little flames below the smoke. The water looked inviting, the grass and bushes fresh and Lando felt himself swimming back in memories, right back to the day when he realized he started falling for Carlos, and falling hard. His hand had a mind of its own again, taking him across the paper and all the memories he’s lived with Carlos by his side. He wanted to stop, he truly did, but unfortunately, his mind had other ideas. He put the down the drawing face down, hiding it from Carlos, and took another sheet of paper, writing down the words swimming in his head, all the rhymes and feelings, the smiles and the tears, everything that Carlos had an impact on, more than he knew. The minutes were ticking away, but he didn't notice it, he didn't notice Carlos chewing on his pencil as he looked up from his paper to glance at Lando every once in a while, he didn't notice anything other than the stories and the pictures in his mind.

All those things, all those memories and thoughts went down on the paper, words forming and locking with one another, not letting go, finding a home on the paper sheet. His wrist ached along with his fingers, holding pens and pencils for such a long time never brought anything good. He threw them down on the bed, folding the papers and sealing them in an envelope, offering one to Carlos as well. He didn’t even see how fast the time had gone by, his alarm clock showing a blinking 7pm. No wonder he was tired then. He hadn’t eaten or drank anything for more than five hours, he felt completely spent. He laid down on the bed, a few of the crumpled papers rustling underneath him. He felt the bed dip slightly as Carlos had lowered himself down as well, their ankles touching.

Later, and Carlos decided to do it exactly at midnight, Lando didn’t even question why, he was used to his crazy ideas, they put the envelopes in a waterproof box and went outside, to their backyard. They sat down under the tree, the stars and the moon above them once again, as they started digging a hole. Once Carlos decided it was deep enough, they lowered the box into it and covered it with dirt, enveloping it completely. When the job was done, they leaned against the tree, Carlos’ arm once again finding its place around Lando’s shoulder as they looked at the fresh patch of soil in front of them. ‘Today is the 25th of April 2016. Five years later, on this day exactly, no matter what happens, we’ll come here, open the box and read the letters, yeah?’ Lando nodded as he let his head fall on Carlos’ shoulder, trying to imagine what things would look like 5 years from that exact moment. He knew it was hard to imagine, but it wasn’t hard to dream, and it wasn’t hard to wish. So Lando decided to wish for the future to look the way he wanted, and he knew that that night he’d dream of memories, letter, wishes and stars on the skies.

**Bristol, 2016, a few months later**

He couldn’t believe it. Not only he couldn’t believe it, but he also just couldn’t see how something like that could happen, especially so suddenly. One moment everything was alright, he was walking from school, his sister next to him, they almost got to their door when he heard his name called and when he turned, he saw Carlos. Normal thing to happen after school, sure, but Lando could see that something wasn’t alright. Carlos’ hair was in disarray, but not the styled one he usually wore it as. It looked as if someone had tugged on the ends in worry and stress and Carlos’ eyes seemed angry and at the same time, so sad. They were red-rimmed, and Lando could still see the hint of tears that were present just a few moments ago. He gestured to his sister to go on without him and then tugged Carlos towards the house slowly, the older not objecting, letting himself be pulled along until they reached Lando’s bedroom.

Once there, Carlos collapsed on the bed, pulling his knees closer to himself and resting his chin on top, staring stubbornly at the ground, even as Lando sat down next to him. ‘Carlos, what happened?’ at first, there was only silence in the room, it seemed as if the other wasn’t even going to answer the question. Just as Lando was about to get up, he felt gentle finger wrap around his wrist and tug him back down, the blue-green eyes meeting chocolate brown. ‘Hey, Carlito, tell me, what’s going on? Please?’ he saw the Spaniard nod slightly before his eyes trailed around the room again, stopping at the door, as if thinking of a way to get out, to run away. He cleared his throat, his fingers still wrapped around Lando’s wrist with his thumb running over the back of his palm. ‘It’s-it’s my dad. He, uhm, he got a new job.’ A sentence that would usually sound so normal, but considering Carlos’ behavior just a few minutes ago, Lando didn’t have a good feeling about the whole situation. ‘What’s the problem with him getting a new job? Is it not good news?’ Lando knew that Carlos’ father was working in some kind of development facilities in the field of rally cars, but he had no idea what his actual job was.

Carlos buried his head in his knees for a moment then raised it again, looking at Lando and the younger could swear that he saw hints of tears gathering in the corners of Carlos’ eyes. ‘The new job he got; he’d be working with developing new rally cars for a Spanish racing team. The job, to be able to do it, he’d have to move there, he’d have to move to Spain.’ Lando held his breath as the older cast his eyes downwards, ‘He accepted it.’

Lando never knew that three little words could hurt quite as much. He felt as if his breath got knocked out of chest, replaced with a gaping emptiness that nothing could fill. He didn’t even register anything around himself until he felt someone’s arms wrap around his small frame, pulling him towards and against a warm body. It was only when he heard a soothing voice and felt a hand in his hair, did he realize that he was in Carlos’ hands, the warmth seeping through the other’s shirt and onto his own skin. He missed it, he missed their hugs so much, they haven’t hugged in what felt like ages, only on rare occasions. Because boys didn’t hug, right? Teenage boys didn’t hug and twenty-something boys, sorry men, definitely didn’t hug. They gave each other high fives and fist bumps and those stupid pats on the back, but no hugs. Lando absolutely hated how society made them all act like that. Because to him, Carlos’ hugs were like drugs, and without his fix, he was suffering, itching for more. He tried to ignore the news that Carlos had just told him, but it was hard when he could feel tears slipping down his cheeks and wetting Carlos’ shirt.

He slowly separated himself from the hug, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do. He tilted up Carlos’ chin again, so their eyes met, blue-green and chocolate brown, mixing together and staying apart. ‘He-do you have to leave as well?’ he could feel his heart dropping again as he saw Carlos nod, a single tear slipping down his cheeck. ‘We don’t know-‘ his voice cracked again, and Lando’s heart right along with it, ‘we don’t know how long we’ll have to stay there for, apparently as long as they get their systems fully developed, I don’t even know what their goal is, to tell you the truth, but it doesn’t matter. I have to go with him, the whole family has to, and there’s no way to tell you how much I hate the idea. I don’t know anyone there, we’re moving to a completely different part of Spain than where we lived before as well, and I just… it sucks.’ It was Lando that pulled him in this time, their bodies slotting together, both of them trying to ignore the world that was forcing them apart. After what felt like an eternity yet not even a few minutes at the same time, Carlos got up, pulling Lando with him. They were both sitting on the edge of Lando’s bed, his hand still in Carlos’. He slowly let go as Carlos got up and wiped at his eyes in an attempt to make them seem as if he wasn’t crying a few minutes ago. ‘I’ve gotta go home, I have to start packing.’ Lando nodded understandingly, his eyes still full of sadness as he looked up at the Spaniard for what he felt was the last time. He knew he was going to be hurt no matter what the answer to his next question would be.

‘When do you leave?’

‘Tomorrow.’

And just like that, his world was shattered.


	2. The dark roads ending with the golden stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here we go, the second and last chapter of this fanfic. With a bit more angsty Lando. I hope you all liked this fic and thank you for reading it. If you did like it, tell me about it in the comments or leave a kudos, it really makes my day.  
> Oh and the poem used in this chapter was written entirely by me as well as this fanfiction.

**Bristol, 2021**

It’s been almost five years. Almost five years since Lando’s heart had been broken. Almost five years since he had to say goodbye to one of the best friends he’s ever had. It’s been almost five years since Carlos left.

Lando… he was coping, he was getting through day by day. He tried, as much as he could, not to think about the Spaniard, not to think about his brown eyes, his soft hugs and softer smiles, his laughs that held hope for the future that lay ahead. He tired as hard as possible to avoid the images of the past that his mind had thrown at him whenever unoccupied.

Which meant he had to find ways to occupy himself, ways to distract himself, every single thing he saw, he used it, he dreamt it, he didn’t want to let it go, knowing that letting go of his distractions would bring back the memories of the person he knew he couldn’t forget. It became easier when he got to university. Countless assignments for countless subjects gave him almost no free time and while others would probably complain because of that, Lando welcomed all the tasks and all assignments with open arms, throwing himself into the schoolwork, only letting his mind run free when he was creating art. And even then, he set a limit, a limit to not let his mind go in too deep, only allowed it to scratch the surface of what once was.

George and Alex helped. They were at his house a lot, they played their games and talked for hours, about projects and the ways they did them, comparing the techniques, working on them side by side sometimes. And Lando was happy to have them in his life, there was no doubt about that, even if they sometimes reminded him of what he’s lost. But in moments when thoughts like that attacked him, he only took another sheet of paper and drew and drew until his fingers ached. He drew differently than the way he used to. No more trees and stars and greenery next to rivers and lakes. He only drew buildings and cities, he drew the cars passing by, and the people walking down the streets. Only now, the faces of the people he drew were blurry, no emotions could be seen in their eyes, they looked like puppets on a stage. But he didn’t care.

It was only late at night sometimes that he let his demons out to play. When his mind had been such a mess that he couldn’t hold it back anymore, when his fingers itched to hold a pencil. It was only then that one could find him in his room, sitting at his desk, his hand sliding up and down the papers in his hands, once again creating the greens swimming in the blues and the golden stars mixing with the sometimes-silver moon. And only then, at two am on the warm summer nights, he let his memories take him back to the brown eyes full of love. He never showed anyone those drawings, he couldn’t. Most times, when he finished them, the sun was rising already, his head ached along with his fingers, tears were gathering in the corners of his eyes and he never could find a reason to hold them back. So, he let them flow and when he woke up with his eyes red and his throat dry, he told himself that it would pass, that it would get better with each and every passing day. He lived on the lie he told himself and it was just another thing that he couldn’t let go of, because he knew that it would break him if he did. And all the drawings stayed hidden deep in his wardrobe; he never could find the will in himself to throw them away.

He lived by a mantra that had become a constant in his head. Distractions, distractions, cry at night, fake a smile, tell them you’re alright, and live the lie you tell yourself. The lie that the next day would be better than the last.

And somehow, he got through it, through those days at school and lonely nights. And it all seemed to follow a pattern and Lando repeated the motions, keeping himself distracted. And it was ok. Until it wasn’t.

* * *

Until he woke up one day and looked at the calendar hanging on his wall. And saw that the date displayed on it was April the 25th. And he felt his heart squeeze in his chest because he knew that it had been exactly 5 years since… since Carlos and he had buried the letters in his backyard. He remembered Carlos’ words that they’d dig them back up five years later, no matter what. Lando chuckled darkly under his breath. Of course no one could see what the future would hold, but it still seemed so cruel, so unfair. He knew that he was not going to touch the box buried in his backyard, not without Carlos by his side. And was never going to happen, not the way they planned it to or any other. It was just one of those things that he knew he’d have to accept, the sooner the better.

So he went on with his day as planned, as he would on any other day. It was Sunday, so he at least had that going for him. No school. Which meant no distractions. He played with his phone for a while and then decided to text Alex and George, knowing he couldn’t get through the day, especially this day, by himself. They responded almost immediately and decided to meet for lunch at 1pm. So he had 5 hours to get through without letting his mind wander away. He ate breakfast, played games with Oliver, and hung out with his sisters. He somehow got through those few hours and then it was finally 1pm and George and Alex were standing in front of his door, the three of them driving to the closest McDonalds. They ate and they joked, and they laughed, like they always did. And Lando knew he was so grateful to have friends like them. Even when he knew his laugh sounded forced, they understood. And they would ask, ask him if he was ok, if he needed their help, because they knew him. And he was so immensely happy to have them in his life. Because sometimes when it all seemed so dark, they managed to cheer him up and to show him the light in the darkness surrounding him.

When he was walking home, his hands buried in his pockets, he felt alright. He even felt happy. Even if it was 5 years since- no, he wasn’t going to think about that, he wasn’t going to let his mind slip, not when it was all going so well. So he tried to paint a smile on his face, all throughout the dinner with his family, listening to them talking about everyday things, about the weather and work and school. And he smiled and nodded, and his mind might have been blank, but he tried, he really did. But later, when he was in his bedroom, he knew he had to finish a school project. And that was when it all went sideways, really.

He had to finish a project that was long overdue. So he ignored it sometimes, his schoolwork, but... this time, the project that he had ignored, it felt personal in a way. _The beauty of friendship and humanity._ That was what the teacher had called it. 

And he loathed it, because he knew that he would have to do it one day, and he had tried to avoid it, as much as possible, but forever avoiding a school project that was a part of your final grade, it proved to be, well, impossible.

So there he was, sitting in front at his desk, twirling a dark pencil between his fingers, the paper sitting blank. He knew he could do it, he had to, but how far was he willing to go to make it? It was a school project, not something that forced him to bare his emotions to the world. And yet he felt like he had to. He didn’t know why, but he did. So he lowered himself down a bit and connected the tip of the pencil with the whiteness of the paper. And he drew a line. And another one. Then the corners, and the smoothness of those corners, the shine of the iron and the circles of the artificial lighting that was starting to take place on the paper. He erased the darkness, drew the light, and then reversed the process. He erased the light and drew the darkness swallowing up the hope on the paper. He started drawing kind eyes and soft lips, strong hands, and a muscled torso. He drew the beautiful hair and the long eyelashes. He drew and drew. He drew the road stretching up from one side of the paper to another. He drew the streetlights, the lines painted on the black pavement. He drew blurry cars, their lights bright and dimmed at the same time. He drew the trees stretching their long branches protectively above the dark road forming in front of him. He then drew a red jacket on the shoulders of the person walking alone down the street. His trousers were black, and his shoes had hints of oranges and blues, the whites on them glinting slightly in the night. There was a silver moon on the sky, accompanied by the golden stars. The night seemed dark, even with all the lights he had added, but he couldn’t find a way to brighten it up. All the lighting seemed so artificial, be it the streetlights or the red lights on the rear sides of the cars passing by the stranger on the street. The only real light was the moon and even that was covered by the tree branches. Lando continued drawing the stranger walking down the streets with the branches above him, the firm pavement under his feet. His face was turned to the side ever so slightly, his brown eyes looking over the shoulder, as if saying goodbye to someone that he had left behind.

Lando pushed himself away from the desk, and collapsed on his bed, his breathing coming out ragged. He hugged his knees to his chest and tried to erase all the thoughts from his mind. All the thoughts of dark and lonely roads. All the thoughts of tree branches, the moon, and the stars. And most of all, he tried to erase all thoughts of the stranger on the picture. Of the stranger with the soft lips and even softer eyes. Of the stranger dressed in the red jacket and shoes with hints of oranges and blues. Of the sad stranger saying goodbye. Of the stranger that was anything but.

Lando’s shoulders were shaking, sobs wrecking his body, only the soft whimpers escaping him along with the hot tears that were now rolling down his cheeks. He tried to stop them, hold them back, he really did, but he knew it was a lost cause, it wasn’t the first time, but it was worse than ever before. It was so much worse. It’s been five years and with every single day his mind got worse and worse. He couldn’t even believe his own lies anymore, and everything was just so dark, with no light to be seen. He could feel his clothes getting damp from his tears, but he knew he couldn’t stop. He hugged his knees even closer to himself, burying his head in his hands, when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, alerting him of an incoming text. He took out the phone, wiping a hand over his eyes to get rid of the tears and unlocked his phone, his eyes glancing at the clock on displayed on the screen. It was midnight. He then lowered his eyes and his breath caught in his throat as he read the text.

The text that was seemingly glaring at him from his phone screen, scorching itself in his mind. The text that he knew he could never forget. The text from the person with the kind brown eyes, soft smiles and warm hugs. The text from the person that he had almost called a stranger, even if he knew that he couldn’t be further away from the truth with that statement if he tried. The text that read: _‘Come meet me at the place where we buried both our futures and our pasts.’_

A text from Carlos.

He got up from his bed faster than he ever had before, his head spinning with the sudden movement, but he didn’t care, he ran through the house, as silently as he could so as to not wake up his parents and siblings and stopped in front of the door to the backyard, taking a deep breath. His mind still telling him that the whole thing was just a dream. A dream that he’s going to wake up from any moment, in a cold bed with tears streaming down his face and a broken heart beating weakly in his chest. But then there was his heart. His heart that was telling him to go for it, to open the door, to walk towards the tree, towards the person that was waiting for him, towards happiness. And for once, Lando decided to listen to his heart. Because what was the worst that could happen, really? That it would be just another dream? He knew that it would break him if it was, but he had to know and he knew, he knew that it was worth the risk.

So he reached forwards, turned the key in the lock and opened the door. He then slowly raised his eyes up from the floor, afraid to look, afraid to break his heart all over again. He looked up and what he saw made his heart soar and his legs give into a run. Because there, in his backyard, leaning against a tree, dressed in a blue t-shirt, black jeans and orange shoes with hints of black, was Carlos. There was a billion-watt smile on his face, his eyes sparkling under the bright moonlight that was creating patterns on his face and making him look more beautiful than Lando had ever seen him.

And then, before he knew it, he was in Carlos’ arms, breathing in his scent, taking in his warmth and smiling against his neck. Carlos’ arms encircled his back, pulling him closer than Lando thought was humanly possible. He felt Carlos drop his head on his shoulder, a few tears landing on his shirt and Lando was half surprised to find that he was crying as well. He slowly raised his head as he felt Carlos drawing patterns on his back, breathing hot air on his neck. They slowly let go of each other, even though Carlos’ arms stayed on Lando’s waist. He looked up into those brown eyes, the eyes that he missed so much, still filled with love and happiness and earnestness, but there were hints of pain hidden in them now as well. And Lando understood that, he understood that so well that it almost broke him again and he would’ve fallen down if it wasn’t for Carlos holding him up. Their eyes locked, finding each other in them, and they couldn’t look away. Finally, Carlos spoke. ‘Hey cariño.’ And those two words were just too much for Lando. He broke down, tugging Carlos closer to himself, sinking into his arms once again. Carlos gently lowered them both on the ground, their backs leaning against the tree that had seen and heard so much. Lando had his face buried in Carlos’ shoulder, tears of happiness escaping him, filling him with the thought that Carlos was here, he was holding him in his arms, he was truly back, and it wasn’t just a dream.

His tears were starting to slow down, and when he didn’t have any tears to cry anymore, he only held onto Carlos, the latter whispering calming things and running his hand through his hair. Lando finally calmed down completely, and when he did, he moved away from Carlos a bit, looking at his eyes again. ‘Hi Carlos’. There were smiles on both of their faces and Lando knew that they had to catch up on so many things that had happened when they weren’t by each other’s sides. ‘So? Shall we?’ Lando looked up at Carlos in confusion and the older rolled his eyes with a still present smile on his face. ‘Remember what I said? That five years later, no matter what, we’d dig the letters that we’ve buried out again.’ picking up a shovel that was lying behind the tree, Lando didn’t notice before. His eyes were shining and Lando was so happy to be there with him.

They both stood and walked over to the place where they buried the box with the letters to their future selves. They had marked the ground with stones a few days after they enveloped the letters with the soil. They were glad they did, because otherwise, there would be really no way to spot the spot. After a few minutes of digging, they were faced with the metal box, the same box they buried five years ago, with bright smiles and questions of what was to come. Now, there were still smiles on their faces, smiles in their eyes, but knowing how much they had to go through in those five years, it all seemed so unfair. Carlos took the box out of the ground and looked up at Lando, biting his lip. ‘Ready?’ Lando nodded, even if he could feel the worry seeping through every fibre of his being. He still remembered what he wrote in his letter to Carlos, and his feelings had not changed since then, if anything, they’d gotten stronger. But he was so afraid that Carlos didn’t feel the same. He knew that they’d both been through a hell of a lot of things, having to say goodbye was one of the hardest things they had to do. But now they were here, sitting next to each other, their shoulders touching, just like all those years ago.

Lando looked at Carlos again, who slowly removed the lid of the box and opened it, taking out four envelopes. He handed two to him and Lando’s hands were shaking as he opened the one that Carlos had written to him. He heard a tap on his shoulders and looked at Carlos who was holding two pieces of folded papers in his hands. ‘Which one should I look at first?’ Lando gestured to the drawing and heard a soft gasp next to him as Carlos looked at what he drew for him all those years ago. Lando knew that Carlos would be able to recognize what he drew. There weren’t that many places around them with blue lakes, green trees with long branches and gravel beaches. He knew that he’d recognize the sun sparkling off the water, the stars in the sky and the fire and the smoke emitting from the corners of the papers. Carlos traced his fingers over every detail on the picture and Lando lowered his eyes as he looked down at the paper in his hands again and carefully unfolded it.

‘To my muppet friend, my cabrón, my cariño. Fun and fast, hardworking and relaxed, artistic and smart. But most importantly, a great guy. Lando, if I could-‘ he wanted to continue reading the letter when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned towards Carlos who was holding his other letter in his hand, the letter with the poem, the letter that Lando was so afraid of Carlos reading. He looked up at his eyes, surprised to find tears in them, but he still looked… happy in a way? Lando knew that his face must have displayed confusion, because Carlos raised the letter again and started reading it aloud.

‘Carlos, you know I’m not good with words, not when it comes to saying them. You know I mess up speeches and even small sentences, so I’m not going to try and pretend to know how to write a heartfelt letter, that’s more your area of expertise. You know that the only way I can really say something is if I write it into a song. Put the words together, make them even rhyme sometimes. So this time, I won’t pretend, I’ll just write a song and hope that you enjoy, and hope you feel the same.’ Lando closed his eyes for a moment as he heard the beginning of the letter, how afraid he felt even back then, to write his feelings, not to even mention saying them out loud. Carlos didn’t notice that he had closed his eyes however, he continued reading the letter, starting with the poem, every word pronounced a bit differently, his Spanish accent coming through at some words and Lando realized how that was just another thing that he had missed so much. He leaned forwards, resting his hands on his crossed legs as he listened to Carlos read the poem that he had written for him all those years ago.

_‘Through the pillow fights_

_and the blanket forts,_

_through the sleepless nights,_

_you were always there,_

_always by my side._

_As we grew up,_

_our hugs turned into high fives,_

_the hugs I loved so much,_

_the hugs that I wish we hadn’t lost._

_And all the days we walked_

_on the scorching pavement,_

_warmed by the glaring sun,_

_swimming in the lakes and streams,_

_trying to cool down._

_All the nights that_

_we got through,_

_with nothing but our laughs_

_and a half full bottle of Jack._

_And if it’d be my choice,_

_I would never let you go,_

_cause I saw the way your_

_brown eyes looked at me_

_and I never got the chance_

_to tell you that I feel the same._

_And I am so afraid I’ll lose you_

_to the world out there;_

_full of smiles, full of laughs,_

_that are not my own._

_So afraid I’ll lose you_

_to another pretty face,_

_so afraid you’ll smile at them_

_the way you smiled at me._

_I’m so afraid, so jealous,_

_so possessive all the time,_

_but yet too shy to tell you_

_how I feel when I see you smile._

_When you smile at me_

_like I am the sun_

_that used to wake us up,_

_in beds as messy as our minds._

_And sometimes I tell myself_

_that you feel the same,_

_but how could you_

_when you’re so hell-bent,_

_so full of want to go away._

_And I’m so afraid of losing you_

_to the world out there,_

_so scary and unknown,_

_and only one thing left for me to do._

Lando closed his eyes and lowered his head because he knew what the next verse was, he knew how much of his feelings it displayed, and he knew that it would break him if Carlos weren’t to feel the same. But as he lowered his head, closing his eyes, he felt Carlos’ hand under his chin, lifting his head, making him look up and into his eyes. He didn’t even realize how close Carlos got to him while reading the poem, he could almost feel his hot breath on his face, he saw every pore of his skin, he could every single one of his eyelashes, he could see the mixing of the colors in the other’s eyes.

Carlos looked down at the paper again as he read the last few lines, and to Lando, it was like the most beautiful music he had ever heard coming to life.

_And I know that I’ll regret it if I don’t,_

_and I know that I’ll regret it if I do,_

_so here it is, just me,_

_saying those three words,_

_saying I love you._

Those last three words were whispered, breathed on Lando’s lips, and in the next moment, Carlos’ lips were on his, his hands wrapping around Lando’s waist, and Lando’s gripping at Carlos’ waist. And the dam that was holding back all the memories in Lando’s head had snapped, flooding his mind with smiles and hugs and laughter and all the times they spent together. Lando saw all those memories fly past his eyes as he tugged on Carlos’ shirt, bringing him closer, closer, not able to get enough. When he finally felt Carlos’ tongue against his, and a whimper escaping his lips, he knew that he could never stop hugging him, kissing him, loving him. Because he had been falling for so long, but Carlos had caught him, his arms strong and secure, pulled him against his chest and kept him safe.

And Carlos’ lips felt so warm against his, releasing fireworks inside both of their hearts, making them feel so whole and finally safe and happy and in love. As Carlos slowly pulled away, resting his forehead against Lando’s, pecking his mouth a few more times, Lando knew that he has never smiled as big as he did in that moment. And when Carlos took his face in his palms, kissing Lando’s forehead, his eyelids, the tip of his nose, and finally his lips again, Lando felt… he wasn’t sure there was a word for what he felt, but if there was, he would always connect that word with Carlos.

He slowly opened his eyes, the brown and greenish blue meeting again, after such a long time apart. They were sitting there, in the grass, below the tree that knew the secrets of their hearts, below the golden stars and the silver moon, brightening up the night. They sat there, breathing on each other’s lips and Lando couldn’t help but lounge forwards again, making them both land on the ground, with him sitting on top of Carlos. He kissed him again and again, whispering the soft ‘I love you’ and hearing Carlos whisper it back. And Carlos held him in his arms, bringing his lips towards his once more, and Lando heard him laugh again, his laugh that held hope for the future days that lay ahead. And when he held him in his arms, and laughed and smiled and kissed his lips, it was then that Lando knew, knew that he didn’t have to be afraid, not now, not anymore, not ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're ever on tumblr you can come and vent at me about drivers or hp or Supernatural or anything else, im there as iwastemytimereading1. Ciao for now!


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